


Flood Gates

by kinkylittlered



Series: Tidal Waves [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-05-30
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:36:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkylittlered/pseuds/kinkylittlered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Flood Gates  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: None  
Rating: NC-17  
Word Count: 1209  
Summary: Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.

Dean had wanted to visit Sam a million times; he had practiced a million phone calls that had all ended with his brother coming home. Watching Sam leave had been surreal and for the first few days Dean refused to move from bed. A thousand memories haunted him, begged for him to fight for the only person he had ever loved. The reality of the situation was that Dean was fighting for Sam, fighting to let him have a normal life. The only problem with letting Sam go to college was letting Sam go. Everything moved slowly, each hunt dragging out until Dean lost himself in the blood. He was hiding from the man he used to be, the one who had carried his brother home when he was hurt. Dean was gone, and the man who was left was nothing more than a shell, a puff of air filling the silence with over compensating words.

Standing in front of his brother’s door caused chills to run up Dean’s spine, a thousand fingertips and images of dimples filling his mind. He was so broken and so close to all he had ever needed. His heart clenched as he slid silently into the house, deciding to attempt casual. He knew that his brother wouldn’t allow him to come inside if he simply knocked. Dean was well aware that he wouldn’t live through his brother slamming that door. Soon enough, those long arms and legs were all over him, attempting to pin him. Everything hurt and all Dean could do was fight back and memorize those fingertips as they pushed him to the floor. Dean easily found his way on top of Sam, staring down and silently wishing it wasn’t too dark for him to see his brother’s eyes.

“Whoa, easy there tiger.” Dean forced a smile, anything to forget that his brother was under him, anything to escape the flood of memories.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was deeper than before he had left, his hair a bit longer than he usually allowed it to get. Sam was different and it killed Dean to think that he had missed witnessing the changes. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“That’s because you’re out of practice.” Dean forced a laugh, exhaling as his brother kicked his back and rolled over. Effectively pinned, Dean laughed slightly, “Or not.”

Dean tried to calm his angry brother, tried to ignore the strong feeling of rejection that burned in the pit of his stomach. A petite blond girl entered the room and Dean felt a thousand shards of glass explode in his heart, his smile fading slightly. The girl was simply stunning, an almost perfect match for his brother which only hurt more. Deep inside Dean had always assumed that Sam would wait until the guilt had faded from Dean’s heart. Sam introduced him, a chill filling his voice and practically killing Dean.

“Wait, your brother Dean?” The words did not come as a relief, in fact Dean had been clinging to the hope that his brother was simply hooking up with the girl or that the relationship was far from serious. The fact that she knew his name was painful and caused him to switch into autopilot. Naturally, Dean began to flirt, batting his perfect eyelashes before commenting that he needed to borrow her boyfriend. The word was acid on his tongue, a slow burn that wouldn’t fade until he had taken Sam far, far away.

“No, whatever you have to say to me you can say it in front of her.” Sam’s arm wrapped around the girl and Dean instantly flinched, the image tearing away his insides.

“Okay, dad hasn’t been home in a few days.” Dean tried to avert his eyes, to save himself from the pain. Still, it was Sammy and he couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful man.

“So, he’s working overtime on a miller time shift. He’ll stumble in sooner or later.”

“Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days.” Dean had honestly been slightly excited when he stopped hearing from his father, grateful for any excuse to visit his brother.

“Jess, excuse us.” Dean flinched again, hating that his brother had nicknamed his girlfriend. It was all too real, and he couldn’t help but want to hide away like the child he was.

“Sammy, look, I know you don’t want to see me.” Dean closed his eyes, hoping that his brother would correct him but the only correction was his name, “Yeah, well you will always be Sammy to me. My Sammy…” Dean stared at his brother, gulping slightly before finishing his request. “I need your help, Sam. Dad’s been gone a while and I can’t find him by myself.”

“Yes, you can Dean.” Sam looked distant, as though he was already mentally pulling away from the situation.

“Yeah, well I don’t want to.” Dean sighed unhappily, his green eyes flickering to the floor to hide his shame.

“I can’t go.” Sam moved to walk Dean outside, hardly casting a glance behind him s he walked down the stairs. Dean was helpless, following behind as if pulled by an imaginary leash.

“It’s dad, I know you had your differences but the man still raised us. We need to find him.” Dean knew he was grasping at straws, trying to find anyway to take his brother away with him.

“You raised me, not him.” Sam shook his head as he opened the door into the moonlight, his shoulders ridged as he glanced anywhere but at his older brother.

“Then do this for me? I…I need you to help me. As a brother and a son you should be willing to help out your family.” Dean closed his eyes, not wanting to watch as his brother stomped in his still-beating heart.

“I need to be back by Monday.” Sam’s words caused Dean’s eyes to snap open.

“What’s Monday?” Dean tried to hide the emotion from his voice, tried to force away the waves of relief.

“I have an interview.” Sam shrugged as Dean opened the trunk, pulling out a small tape recorder.

“For a job? Skip it.” Dean stared up at his brother, marveling at his height change.

“No, for law school. It is my entire future on a platter.” Sam’s words stung, a slap in the face to Dean and everything Sam had once had.

Once again Dean switched into autopilot, simply going through the motions as he showed his brother the voicemail and the woman’s voice claiming that she could never go home. Dean had never had a home aside Sam, and now he felt the same her: broken and lost. Dean closed the trunk before sliding into his baby, thankful for any reason not to look into the hazel swirls of his brother’s eyes. Suddenly, Dean felt like an outside, he felt the weight of his decision hang in the air. If he could go back, Dean would have begged Sammy to stay; he would have made their relationship work.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Flood Gates Chapter 2  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Wincest  
Rating: NC-17  
Summary: Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.

Dean had wanted to cry right along with his brother after Jessica died; he had wanted to pull his brother close and make it okay. The only problem was the rift, the giant tear in his relationship with Sam. Dean was the enemy, the one who had initially hurt Sam. Dean knew better than to try and stitch the cut, his fear of rejection pushing him to simply drive Sam away from the normal life that had stole him and onward into the night. Facing monsters was easier than facing the tears and distant look on his brother’s face.

Time moved slowly after Jessica had died; a thousand distant faces and a thousand ghosts begging Sam to come home. Dean was inside a shell, isolated from his haunted brother, and all but dead inside. The cold existence quickly turned to numb, a pact with the ghosts to simply exist. There was no feeling outside of pain and need, Dean filled his time with women, food, and the simple pleasures that helped him hide from the truth. Sam was always going to be that truth for Dean, the one thing worth living for. Dean let his eyes roll closed, his mind blank as he avoided images of Sam, before he slipped into another world all together.

Sam was spread out under Dean, his fingertips trailing up Dean’s back in slow circles. Chills spread quickly down Dean’s spine as he leaned down to seal his lips over his brother’s, sucking the plump bottom lip in to his mouth. Dean let his hands trace down Sam’s bare flesh, his fingers flicking over the hard nub of dusky nipple before traveling lower. Opening his mouth, Dean let Sam explore his mouth, nearly moaning as their tongues met at long last. It was all perfect, slow and gentle as the world finally shifted into perfection. Dean let his hand explore lower, fingers trailing down the small line of hair leading to his brother’s groin. Gripping firmly and pulling up his brother’s erection, Dean couldn’t help but moan into Sam’s lips. Everything was spinning as his brother rocked up into his hand, as though time made no difference and they were teenagers fooling around again. Only, Dean wasn’t fooling around. He wanted to be with Sam, he wanted this caress to mean more than it did. He wanted to make everything right again, to kiss away the pain.

The pain was never going to fade, but the pleasure could only build, so Dean focused on that. Slipping past Sam’s balls, Dean’s finger slowly circled the tight knot of Sam’s wrinkled hole. Pushing knuckle deep, Dean moaned in unison with his brother as he slid deeper. Crooking his finger, he gently teased his little brother’s prostate. Soft sounds fell from Sam’s lips, his eyes closed tight against the sudden waves of pleasure. Dean reached out for a tube of lube, slicking another finger before pushing inside of his brother. Stretching and scissoring his brother open, until he could squeeze another finger into the tight heat.

Pulling free from the perfect warmth, Dean watched Sam’s hole greedily twitch in anticipation before lining up. Pushing gently inside, Dean moaned at the sudden heat around his cock head. His brother’s legs wrapped around his waist, heels digging into his thighs as he was pulled deeper, finally balls deep. Dean pressed his lips against Sam’s, hoping to prolong the connection, to prove that this was real and not in his mind. Desperate pleads fell from Sam’s mouth, his breath skating across Dean’s lips. Circling his hips, Dean began to gently explore the tight heat. Angling his hips, Dean began to circle faster, his cock head catching Sam’s prostate with each pull.

Wrapping his fingers around his brother’s erection, Dean began to pull his brother towards his release. Obscenities fell from both brothers’ lips; pleads and demands swirling together as they moved as one. All too soon Dean felt his balls clenching, his hand pulling faster, his thumb flicking over the head to smear his brother’s precome. Warmth covered his hand as hot ropes of come shot out of Sam, his ass clenching in a too tight glove around Dean, practically pulling his orgasm from him. Trembling as waves of pleasure washed over him, Dean moaned Sam’s name.

“Dean? Dean, wake the fuck up.” Sam’s voice cut through the vivid image and sensations, pulling him from the perfect world he had discovered.

“Wha…?” Dean forced his eyes to open, his lungs burning as he sucked in a deep breath, dizzy in the after shocks of his orgasm.

“You’re fucking sick, you know that? Jacking off in the same room as your brother and then moaning his name. We are over, Dean, you saw to that years ago.” Sam was angry, his eyes practically burning Dean.

“I…I was sleeping. I didn’t mean-“

“Yeah, well I have to deal with it. I don’t want to know you dream about fucking me. And I don’t want to wake up to you screaming my name as you finish, whether you are sleeping or not.” Sam backed away, his eyes distant as he looked at his brother like he was a monster that needed hunted.

“Sam, if I could go back and change what I did-” Dean was cut off again by his brother, his frustration slowly building.

“I don’t want to hear this shit, Dean. It is over; it has been over for a long fucking time. I’m sick of feeling like you’re my everything, like I am suppose to just forget that fact that you abandoned me in my time of need after promising me everything. Go fuck your bar wenches and leave me out of it. Fuck off.” Sam’s hands shook as he threw out an arm, sending all of the items resting on the bed stand flying.

“Sammy, calm the fuck down. It was just a dream.” Dean wanted to pull himself from the bed, to force Sam to stop throwing a pathetic tantrum, but he was covered in come and twisted in damp sheets.

“You calm down, I’m going out. Don’t fucking hold your breath, I may not come back.” Sam shook his head and headed for the door, stopping only to pull on jeans and a jacket.

“Sit the fuck down,” Dean commanded, knowing it was futile.

“Make me.” Sam waited a moment, waiting for Dean to move. “I thought so.” Sam rolled his eyes as he threw the door open, slamming it behind him as he wondered off into the night.

Dean could only stare in awe at the closed door, his heart lodged in his throat as he swallowed around the bitter taste of rejection. Pulling himself free from the soiled bed, Dean made quick work of washing the sin away from his skin. The image of Sam slamming the door played on repeat in his mind, reminding him that the time to fight for his relationship with Sam had long since past. The only thing he could hope to fight for was his brother, the brother who had just lost the woman and life he loved. Guilt washed through Dean as his eyes lingered on the door hoping in vain to see the only person who could save him.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Flood Gates Chapter 3  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: Wincest, Sam/Dean  
Rating: NC-17  
Summary: Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.  
A/N: I have an amazing beta who reads through all of my stories...even when I have given her more than one to edit in a day. <3! This chapter takes place in Season 1, Dean in the Water.

 

“Can I get you anything else?” The waitress asked with a voice smooth as honey, her cleavage full as she reached down to pour more coffee into Dean’s cup. He flashed her his classic confident smile as he sucked on the tip of his pen.

“Just the check please.” Sam’s voice came from behind Dean, causing an instant wave of guilt to wash over the older brother. Things had settled quickly when Sam came home from his late night walk and Dean was terrified of his brother slamming another door in his face.

“You know, Sam, we are allowed to have fun once in a while. That’s fun.” Dean pointed to the waitress as she disappeared into the kitchen, in an attempt to show Sam that he was not caught up on what use to be.

Sam just looked sad, his brown eyes swirling with a kind of sorrow Dean hadn’t seen since Jessica had first died. Dean felt guilty again, confused and unsure how he was required to act in the situation. Pulling the newspaper from under his arm, Dean began to detail the case he had discovered. Sam almost immediately launched into a rant about finding their father and Dean could only stare at his brother for a moment. Dean did not want to find John because as soon as he did Sam would be gone, off hunting the thing that had killed Dean’s replacement. John could stay gone for years for all he cared, as long as Sammy remained by his side. Dean launched into his defensive mode, lying easily as he claimed for the millionth time that he wanted to find dad. The easiest way to distracted Sam was to lay the guilt on about leaving for college, and so Dean did just that.

XOXO

The case had more of an emotional rollercoaster than Dean had been prepared for. He had truly bonded with one of the almost victims, Lucas, and his mother. Part of Dean wanted to stay, to escape the pain of having to see Sam everyday but the need to protect his brother won. Dean would spend his entire life trying to make Sam happy, his brother was worth every single sacrifice. The drive to the next small town was silent, Sam staring out the passenger window and Dean humming softly to the classic rock vibrating from the speakers.

“Why?” Sam’s voice surprised Dean and his eyes flashed to his brother, who was still staring out at the dismal landscape.

“Why? Why what, Sam?” Dean’s voice was tight and controlled, a small coil of fear settling in the pit of his stomach.

“Why didn’t you stay with them? You wanted to… I could tell.” Sam didn’t bother to look over at Dean, his body completely still as he looked out that damn window.

“If I wanted to stay with them I would have stayed.” Dean clenched down hard on the steering wheel, his knuckles gleaming white in the dim light.

“That’s a lie. I want to know why you didn’t stay, the truth.” Sam let his forehead fall with a light thud against the window, his breath fogging the glass.

“Just because you can drop everything you’ve ever known and leave doesn’t mean I can.” Dean hadn’t meant the words to come out so cold and harsh but Sam had requested the truth and Dean couldn’t help but oblige.

“I went to college, Dean! It wasn’t like I abandoned you.” Sam was still refusing to face his brother, eyes fixed on the outside world.

“All I’m saying is, I would never leave you.” Dean sighed deeply, knowing a fight was coming.

“You already left me. You left me when I was sixteen. Don’t even feed me that line of crap.” The words were quiet, barely a whisper against the glass, as though Sam was admitting a deep, dark secret.

“I…I just wanted to protect you.” Dean pulled the car to the side of the road, slowing to a stop. “Damn it will you look at me, Sammy?”

“My name is Sam. Sammy is the boy who would have done anything to make you stay. Sammy is the boy you left to die in some hotel room while his entire school turned against him. Sammy is the boy you fucked and then left, the boy you just couldn’t help but leave. Sammy is dead, he has been gone for a long time and now all that is left is Sam. Don’t feed me a line of shit just because it makes you feel better. You’re not the hero here, you’re the villain and it is about time you recognize that. I just lost my girlfriend, I don’t want to sit and worry about you. I wish you would just go back, because I know you wanted to stay.” Sam was finally looking at Dean, fire burning behind those hazel eyes. Dean stared at his brother for a moment, a bubble of hurt exploding in his chest to release a thousand butterflies with razorblade wings.

Dean sat in silence, tears welling in his eyes as he avoided looking at the man sitting next to him. Sam was right, Dean was the villain. He was the one who had left and now he was the one begging to come home. Every part of him longed to crash his lips against Sam’s, longing to return to that place where everything as perfect and easy. That place had disappeared the moment Dean had shut the hotel room and now all that was left was Sam. And Sam was not his Sammy.

“You’re right, I left you. And you fucked some goth guy.” Dean’s voice was distant in his ears, his heart pounding ferociously and echoing all around him.

“Still need to be the hero, don’t you? Why don’t you just admit that you were jealous and it still bothers you all of these years later.” Sam looked like he wanted to hit his brother, his fists clenched tightly at his side. “Just admit that you still want to fuck me.”

“You knew I was jealous then and I still am now.” Dean ignored the last part of his brother’s demand, choosing to focus on the easiest subject.

“I want you to admit that you still want me.”

“You already fucking know I do! Why does it even matter? It’s over and nothing is going to change that.” Dean stared at his brother, a mixture of regret and heat swirling in the green of his eyes.

“Because, I want you to remember for the rest of your life that you fucked it all up. Now, drive to the next shit town and stop looking at me like I’m a wounded puppy.”


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Flood Gates  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: References to wincest  
Rating: NC-17  
Word Count: 1223  
Summary: Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.

Dean couldn’t help but wonder if he was being punished by God, punished for being a bad brother, punished for his incestuous past or maybe simply punished for giving in to his every whim. It was certain Dean was being punished. He had vowed to never return to this town, vowed to never have to look at the chipping paint of this particular door. This was his own custom hell, a place where he was forced to not only face his nightmares but also to accept that his actions had spawned it all. The haunting was simple enough, but enough deaths had occurred to force Dean’s hand. He had no choice but to return to the forsaken place that had been the backdrop of his separation with Sam. It was also the place that Kyle had once lived; Dean could only hope that the man had enough sense to leave his hometown. Dean had never been very lucky.

“Sam, I want to salt and burn as fast as we can. I think we need to get the move on and find dad.” Dean shrugged as he pulled the key from his pocket, his eyes scanning the paint chips on the decaying door. “Sure is ironic they gave us this room.”

Dean forced a half-hearted smile before letting the door fall open; the smell of musk and solitude filled his lungs. Yes, this is where he had made love to Sam for one last time before finally abandoning his brother. The memories flooded over him, causing Dean to visibly flinch at the blow. For a moment, Dean felt weak and genuinely wondered if he would be able to stay in this town, let alone this room. A ghost of his brother walked past, years younger and probably the last time Dean would see him happy, the ghost caught Dean’s eyes just as he disappeared. An eerie chill ran down Dean’s spine as he watched Sammy vanish, leaving behind only a shell. Dean played the scene on repeat a thousand times before tearing himself from the room, only to practically run to the closest bar. Dean simply could not escape the ghosts from his past.

Kyle had grown into an attractive man, a well educated and published author. He had purchased a small bar to occupy his time and he happened to recognize Sam and Dean the moment they stepped into the room. The air stilled as he caught Sam’s eye, his lip pulling into a small smile as he waved. Dean wanted crush the man when he caught his eyes traveling the expanse of Sam’s body, greedily memorizing the not so subtle changes that had occurred in the last few years. Recoiling, Dean stopped in his tracks. He attempted to will his legs to move but they were held stead fast by the fear uncoiling in his gut. Sam would sleep with Kyle, he would let him fuck him again and it would kill Dean inside. Dean was convinced Sam wanted to watch him suffer and sink into himself, to watch him die.

“Samuel Winchester, my high school sweetheart.” Kyle gushed as Sam came within hearing range, a small blush creeping across his features. Dean couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the blush and think ‘fag’.

“Wow Kyle, you…you aren’t goth anymore.” Sam laughed as he moved to sit on a bar stool directly in front of Kyle, the short distance of the counter separating the grinning men.

“I think you were the only one who appreciated the work that went into that style” Kyle smiled sweetly, his eyes once again trailing over Sam’s body. “Your brother is, um, lurking. Honesty, it is kind of freaking me out. Can you just call him over here?” Kyle’s voice was low, ensuring that only Sam would hear his words.

“Dean, get your ass over here and drink some beer.” Sam laughed as Dean pouted, his bottom lip puffing out slightly as his eyes lingered on Kyle before shooting back to Sam. “You came here to get wasted didn’t you?”

“Bitch, I’m coming, just hold your horses.” Dean rolled his eyes, attempting to hide his discomfort. Sinking heavily onto the stool, he tried to avoid eye contact with Kyle.

“So, you guys got back together then?” Kyle looked a bit relieved, as though he had always assumed Sam and Dean belonged together.

“No. We didn’t.” Dean’s voice was thick and dull, hanging in the air for a moment before disappearing entirely.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just…well you’re here together and I, well, it seemed like you both wanted to be with each other. I guess I just assumed you worked it out.” Kyle awkwardly shuffled for a moment before gathering three glasses. “Here, have a beer on the house.”

“Thanks, man.” Sam grinned, choosing to let the subject of Dean slip away. “Dean, say thank you.”

“No, Sam. You know what? Fuck you both.” Dean couldn’t understand his sudden outburst, why he was acting to irrational. The only thing he could explain was the stabbing pain and the immense sense of rejection as his brother stared at him as though he were a monster.

“Dean, what is your problem? Maybe you should just go back to the room. I’ll walk back later.”

“I’ll give you a ride.” Kyle tried to hide his laugh as Dean rolled his perfect green eyes.

“Have a nice time fucking. Be sure to think of me.” Dean walked away, leaving the bar and his entire world behind him. He knew that Sam would punish him for his outburst later, that he would have to listen to Sam rant about just how over they were.

The walk to his car was brisk, tears already beginning to well along the rim of his eyes. The world was spinning and the only thing that had ever provided any safety from the constant twirling was Sam. Dean was left in a state of perpetual motion, hunting a thousand monsters and cringing away from the memories of Sam’s perfect lips pressed against his own. Dean stared into the review mirror, wiping away the pathetic tears streaming down his cheeks. Pulling his eyes away from the image of himself, Dean pulled his car into drive and let the world spin, pushing him in whichever direction seemed best. Dean was out of control; Dean was fading into an abyss of pure nothingness. Sam was never coming home to him, and that was the hardest thing to see.

When Dean had returned to the motel room he curled in a ball on the floor, unwilling to sleep on the place where he had made love to Sam. This was his life now, hiding and faking a smile. Dean was weak, he was pathetic and he wanted to die. Images of Kyle’s lips pressing against, and contaminating, Sam’s flashed through his mind. A feeble sound left Dean’s throat, his eyes slammed closed in an attempt to forget Sam. The problem with forgetting his brother was imagining life without him. Sam had always defined Dean’s life; Sam was his one purpose, his one drive. Pulling his knees closer to his chest, Dean allowed himself a moment of weakness, he allowed himself to sob hopelessly against the dingy carpet because as soon as Sam was home Dean would need to be strong.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Flood Gates  
Author: Cassie  
Warnings: References to wincest  
Rating: NC-17  
Word Count: 1583  
Summary: Dean picks Sam up from Stanford in an attempt to find their father, all that remains of their once great relationship is pain and angst. Dean attempts to fix what he broke, but Sam is too far gone to care. Sequel to Tidal Waves.

(A/N: The last section is taken directly from Supernatural, with a few changes to Dean’s thoughts. I do not own Supernatural and no harm was intended. I have an amazing girl, [info]beatlemaniac9 , who edits my stories…even when I leave out words and don’t notice. <3 <3 <3 She also has some really great stories!)

 

When Sam did not return to the motel room by morning Dean felt a mix of worry and bitter jealousy. He knew exactly what it meant, exactly what his brother had been doing with Kyle. It stung in a way that seeing Sam with Jessica hadn’t; maybe it was just the fact that it was a man Sam was having sex with, something Dean still considered to be just theirs. Dean had easily pushed Kyle out of the equation; after all, he was a ghost from the past, one that with enough effort could be forgotten. The familiar burn of tears threatened to escape, his breath hitching slightly as he stared around the empty hotel room. For a moment he wondered if he was dreaming, if he would wake up to find his sixteen year old brother wrapped around him, if the last years had been something his mind had created to warn him against leaving Sammy.

Dean lay on the floor until his body began to complain, begging him to move from the rough carpet. Pulling himself to his feet, Dean shifted uncomfortably in the silent room. Closing his eyes for a moment, he pushed away the waves of emotion, settling instead on his need to occupy his hands. He set to work cleaning his weapons, carefully taking his guns apart and setting them in a neat line. This was how he had survived the last few years; he had buried himself in the nightmarish world where it was always a fight to the death. Most of the time he hoped to loose, hoped that for once something would hunt the monster that he had become. Dean was constantly fighting against the waves of anger and the need to get revenge on the thing that had tore his family apart. The fact of the matter was that Dean had ruined his family, ripped away everything his father had strived to build. The steady motion of his hands and the empty state of his mind distracted Dean from the sound of the door opening.

“You just cleaned those, why are you doing it again?” Sam’s voice shook Dean, pulling his jade eyes from the gun he was meticulously cleaning.

“Oh, look who decided to come back.” Dean’s voice was colder than he expected, hiding the emotion that was rising inside of him.

“Dean, you were acting weird. I just needed some space and Kyle-”

“And Kyle was more than willing to fuck you.” Dean laughed emptily, his voice still void of any emotion.

“No, Kyle had a guest room that he said I could stay in.” Sam shrugged as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Fuck Kyle.” Dean was starting to sound like a deprived child, pleading for any source of attention.

“Kyle was the one who kept me from dying when you left me. God, I was so broken and he…he didn’t mind putting me back together. I don’t see why you hate him; you should be thanking him for cleaning up your mess.” Sam moved to sit next to Dean, concern lacing his features. “Dean, you left me. You have to stop acting like I’m the one hurting you.”

“Kyle swooped right in and you let him. I came back to beg for you to forgive me, to forget that I let my over protective tendencies get the best of me. I came back for you and you were busy with some other guy. How the fuck was I suppose to handle that?” Dean closed his eyes for a moment before fixing them on his hands. He couldn’t look at his brother, too afraid of the rejection he would find etched in those perfect hazel eyes.

“I was sixteen. I thought you would never come back to me. An entire school hated me, my brother had just broken my heart, and the only boy who would talk to me was gay. He made me feel less broken; he made me feel like I was worth keeping.” Sam moved to hold Dean’s hand, gently lacing their fingers together. “Last night Kyle helped me understand that I’m hurting you by being here and not…not wanting the same thing as you. The problem is…I can’t go back to that. I was naïve when we began having sex, but now that I know you could leave me at anytime, I just can’t pretend everything will be okay.”

“Take me back, Sammy. God, I never want to leave you again.” The tears escaped, streaming down Dean’s face as his eyes moved to search his brother’s.

“I can’t, De. I…this is all too much for me. I need to go back to California; I need to get away from you. I want a normal life and nothing about this can ever be normal.” Sam’s tears were slipping free, cascading down his face and leaving perfect tracks. Dean was dying a little more with each tear.

“Sammy, please don’t go. Look, I’ll stop okay? I’ll find some way to stop being in love with you just please don’t leave me. We…we gotta find dad.” Dean was grasping at straws, desperation seeping through his words.

“If I stay are you going to stop acting like a kicked puppy dog? I don’t want to feel pressured to…you just need to stop.”

“I’ll stop, Sammy. I’ll stop if it means you’ll stay.”

XOXO

They left the town as quickly as they had came, leaving little in their wake except a few lives that had been saved and one less monster. Kyle had been sad to see Sam go, but wished them the best of luck and offered them a place to stay if they ever wanted to take a break from the world of hunting. Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved to be leaving the town in the rearview mirror. Unfortunately the route they were taking led them right past the school Sam had once attended. Dean could read the pain in Sam’s posture, the way he watched with wide eyes as the building slid from view. For a moment he wanted to reach out and comfort his brother but the fear of causing the man more pain caused Dean to firmly grasp the wheel, his knuckles showing white.

Driving in no particular direction, Dean drove until the sun had disappeared from the sky. Stopping at a cheap motel, he paid for the room, handing Sam his key before he disappeared into the darkness there. Flicking the lights on, Dean shrugged at the standard arrangement of the furniture. It was all too normal, none of it depicting the war raging inside of Dean. He considered smashing the cheap lamp to the ground, to let the glass shards reflect his internal torments. Instead he simply sunk down onto the bed, removed his shirt and jeans, and closed his eyes to protect himself from the world that seemed to shake around him. Dean slipped into unconsciousness, unwilling to think about his brother sleeping only a few feet away.

Dean woke to the sounds of his brother talking to his father on his cell phone, demanding answers about the thing that had killed Jessica and their mother. Sam was clearly upset that his father was refusing to give Sam his location. Dean took the phone from his brother and quickly wrote down the names his father had been attempting to get Sam to scribble down. The moment Dean hung up the phone he knew Sam was upset with him. A familiar argument was hanging in the air and Dean wasted no time in moving to pack his things. They were in the car and driving towards Indiana in mere minutes, the sun still long from lighting their way.

“Dad said it wasn’t safe for any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.” Dean could feel the anger rolling off of his brother as he pulled the car to a stop, the same fight as always beginning.

 

“I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.” Sam was staring at Dean with piercing eyes, as though Dean was denying him air to breathe.

 

“Yeah, it’s called being a good son!” Dean watched as his brother threw the car door open. The night air caressed Dean’s skin as he stepped into the night. Sam was already pulling his things from the trunk of the impala and throwing his bags over his shoulder. It was so typical of Sam to run at any given opportunity. “You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don’t care what anybody thinks.”

 

“That’s what you really think?” Sam was staring at Dean with condescending eyes, anger swirling through the haze of hazel.

 

“Yes, it is.” Dean could handle a lot of things, he could handle his brother hating him, he could handle his family ripping at the seams, but he would not stand for his brother acting like a spoiled child.

 

“Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.” Sam shrugged his backpack on and began to walk away, not bothering to look at his brother.

 

“Come on, you’re not serious.” Dean could only stare as his brother walked away and avoid the clenching in his chest.

 

“I am serious.” Sam called back, still walking and facing the other direction.

“It’s the middle of the night! Hey, I’m taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?” Dean wondered if he were bluffing, if he could actually leave his brother on the side of the road and drive off into the night.

 

“That’s what I want you to do.” Sam turned around to stare at Dean, a smirk playing across his lips.

 

“Goodbye, Sam.” Dean closed the trunk and walked around to the front of the car. He felt the vice around his heart squeeze tighter as he started the car. Pulling into drive, Dean watched Sammy from the rearview mirror as he began walking in other direction. Somehow it was fitting that after all of the fights the one that would separate them was centered on their father.

Dean forced himself to ignore the waves of pain and the God awful clenching in his chest. Sammy had always been uncontrollable, always willing to follow his gut instinct over the advice of others. Dean considered turning the car a million times but the image of his brother walking away was dancing through his mind. Dean could only hope that Sam would avoid trouble and come to his senses. Dean could only hope that Sam would come home to him.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Tidal Waves  
Author: Cassie  
Prompt: School Dance  
Warnings: Slash, wincest  
Word Count: 1429

Sam slid his way up Dean’s body, relishing the familiar sensation of Dean’s lips pressing against his own. Licking his way into his brother’s mouth, Sam couldn’t help but whimper, a thousand memories and the endless expanse of time without Dean stretching out before him. All he could do was slip his hand under Dean’s shirt, memorizing the hard lines of muscle and silky skin. Each roll of his hips against Dean’s sent waves through him, his hands slipping away from his brother to push his pants and briefs away. Dean’s hands tugged away Sam’s shirt, his own skin already nude and inviting. Without a word Sam pushed Dean to the bed, his eyes sad as he crawled on top of his brother. Sam wanted to feel the pain; he wanted to feel Dean inside of him long after he had left. Sliding down without preparation he let Dean slide inside of him, gasping at the familiar burn and stretch.

Pain blurred his vision as his brother bottomed out, Sam’s hands scratching painfully against the man’s chest. Pausing briefly, Sam let his body adjust to the invasion before he began to roll his hips. A stray tear slipped from Sam’s eye as he stared down at his brother, all too lost in sensation to notice. Small whimpers and moans falling from two pairs of lips as the world crashed, both boys seeing stars at the same moment as Dean filled Sam. Falling limply to his brother’s chest, Sam sobbed until his eyes slipped closed, Dean’s hand resting on his back.

XOXO

Part of Sam wondered if it had all been a dream, but the familiar pain and sticky trails dripping down his legs told him otherwise. Even with the knowledge that school was calling, Sam stayed in bed. Closing his eyes he drifted away, imagining the familiar fingertips against his chest, hoping that the painful thud of his heart would stop. Slipping away once again, Sam let go of consciousness.

A knock on the door pulled Sam from peace, his eyes fighting to stay closed against the cruel light shining in through the window. Another knock called to Sam, finally forcing him to wrap a sheet around his waist. The walk to the door was painful; breathing was painful. Living without Dean was worse than dying. Sam pulled the door open, just wide enough to stare into the bewildered eyes of Kyle. Pain flashed across the boys face as he took in Sam’s appearance, understanding suddenly sinking in.

“You…you are in love with your brother aren’t you?” Kyle’s voice shook slightly, his eyes flickering to the floor.

“Just…come in so I can explain.” Sam felt guilt suddenly wash through him, he had just cheated and it didn’t even occur to him until hours later.

Kyle stepped into the room, a frown pulling his lips down as he took in the shape of the room. The bed was practically town apart, clothes were scattered everywhere and the room reeked of sex and sorrow. Kyle simply leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, confusion and hurt crossing his features again. Finally looking over at Sam, he stared briefly, a million emotions flickering through the crystal blue eyes.

“Tell me something, was I the other man…or did you cheat on me?” Kyle’s voice was level, void of all emotion.

“I think you were the other man. It…it has always been Dean. Even when we aren’t together he is the one I belong to. I’m sorry, Kyle.” Sam wasn’t sure if he was actually sorry or if it was simply to make the boy before him feel better.

“I…somehow I kind of knew when I saw him before we had sex. I shouldn’t have gone through with it…but well, I like you.”

“I know and I took advantage of you. I just didn’t want to feel the pain anymore…I needed something to take my mind off of everything.” Sam moved over to Kyle, careful to wrap the sheet tight around his waist.

“Funny thing is I actually came to see if you wanted to go to the dance with me tonight. I even brought you a flower, I’m that gay.” Kyle laughed as he held up his hand, a perfectly dried red rose resting in his fingers.

“I’m so sorry, God I am such a dick.” Sam knew that this time he actually meant it, he was sorry for hurting the sweet boy beside him.

“I’m sorry that you’re in pain, and that I can’t take it away.” Kyle’s words hung in the air, adding to the sorrow.

“Go to the dance with me? I’m not ready to date but I would really love to be your friend.”

“Is he going to come back?” Kyle’s smile looked forced, his eyes still sad.

“No, he isn’t coming home to me.” The words were too easy too say, hardly conveying the real meaning and the effect.

“I want to be friends and I do want to go to the dance with you but I just…I still like you. I still want to be that one person you run to.” Kyle let the dried flower slip onto Sam’s lap, a deep red petal falling off.

“I can’t offer you much. I’m hardly a person at all. I’m so fucking broken.” Sam felt familiar tears welling in his eyes as he thought about Dean.

“Let me try and put the pieces back together? Even if you’re a dismembered puzzle I can still fit some of it together.” Kyle leaned in to press his lips against Sam’s cheek, before he pulled himself from the ground. “I’ll pick you up at seven for the dance.”

XOXO

Sam couldn’t help but sigh as he stared at his reflection in the mirror; a thousand painful memories were pushed away as he slipped into Dean’s old shirt. Sam had borrowed the shirt weeks before they broke up, his attempt at looking cool. The shirt was like most things, a painful reminder of what he had once upon a time, but in truth, Sam was willing to face the pain if it allowed him to feel close to Dean. Summoning all of his strength, Sam walked away from the mirror, leaving his memories behind. Kyle was dressed in his typical black attire, a small smile greeting Sam as he slid into the front seat. A comfortable silence fell around them as the street lights flew by in a blur, much like life, everything was fleeting.

Loud music and crowds greeted them at the school, girls in short skirts and boys openly staring. For a moment, Sam wondered if that would be his life someday, if he would ever fall in love with a stunning girl. Mostly, he wondered if the pain that was clenching down on his heart would ever fade away into simple acceptance. Pulling himself from the car, Sam let Kyle take his hand and lead him through the crowd. The dance floor was a mass of sweating hormones and Sam instantly wanted to run. Kyle simply pulled him along until they reached a small table with a black mass crowding around it. Taking a seat next to Kyle and a girl with more makeup on than Marilyn Manson, Sam felt empty. A long time ago he had imagined Dean taking him to prom in some town where no one knew of their relation. He had always pictured soft music and simple dancing as they glided across the floor. He also had expected his brother to taunt him for months after, calling him a girl or a bitch. The realization that everything had changed without Dean shook Sam, knots forming in his stomach.

Suddenly it was all too much for Sam, the bass was too loud, the crowd was far too happy and the ache in his ass reminded him constantly of Dean. Sam just wanted to crawl in bed and die, or to find his brother and beg him to just stay. Logically, Sam had already tried begging and it had only ended up breaking open the wound. Suddenly on his feet and moving as fat as he could from the room, Sam didn’t bother to wonder if Kyle was in pain. Reality was too empty without Dean, a part of Sam was willing to simply lie down and simply forget the world. Death at least brought a sweet escape from the ever-present pain.


End file.
